dancing wisps of blue

behind closed eyelids i saw a black & blue explosion

a vision that i have viewed many times before tho not recently.

it felt like i was seeing only with my left eye.

i decided to confirm this left eye only theory

and felt my left eyelid being gently + slowly pried open.

when my eye was open to a slit

it was like there were 2 images or versions of the same image.

one behind my eyelid

and one in front of my eyelid external to my body.

i even momentarily questioned if i had created the external version

or if it had escaped thru the slit.

then i opened my left eye

and the external version of the explosion morphed

into little wisps of only the blue.

the black was gone.

i felt the little wisps were alive.

they danced like the northern lights.

one at a time as i recall.

individual little orbs or waves.

i laid there watching them

marveling that i wasn’t afraid.

they stayed maybe a minute. perhaps allowing me to get used to them.

i sensed they were open to communication but i wasn’t quite ready.

chose to just lie there and get used to their presence.

later. maybe even a separate dream/vision

i felt myself being lifted on a platform or magic carpet by several of these blue beings.

i thought “going home” maybe even heard that telepathically from them.

at which point my practical mind kicked in

and i thought of the paperwork mess that my daughter would be left with if i left the planet now.

then i looked around to see if my son was there.

felt like i stopped or lowed liftoff with each practical thought / consideration

and the scene stopped.

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ascension and descension

as i see it,

embodied enlightenment

is about both ascension and descension.

the physical ascends

and the non-physical descends.

and when the non-physical descends

it pushes out all of our cellular memories

thus cluttering our mind, body & emotions.

the important thing

is that when these cellular memories are being pushed out

that we not get trapped by thinking yikes i’m going backwards.

we’re not going backwards

we’re clearing out our systems.

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money & flow

i have had a variety of experiences re money & flow.

once even going to the grocery store

and thinking omg prices have taken a jump.

but when i breathed and continued to shop

i found that many of my “stock items” were the usual price

and my favorite coffee was actually 1/2 price.

that time i bought only a few items

and the next time i returned to the store

prices seemed to be back to “normal”.

as i was typing i wondered about timeline jumping.

earlier i had wondered about our trust being tested.


in my experience it hasn’t been a matter of stepping into the flow

and being able to stay there.

there seems to be a period of wobbling.

i am finding it helpful to take limited or only necessary action during the out of flow times

and being more adventurous during the times of being in the flow

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message to “stay put”

contemplating yet another move,

i got a message to “stay put”.

which i ignored cos it didn’t suit my mind’s plans.

but stay put i did. cos none of my attempts to move worked out.

now several months later

i realise the “stay put” message was about more than my geographical location.

it was also about how i had spent my life chasing.

chasing the next job, the next house, the next relationship.

and i also realised that i had chased and never “stayed put”

because i had never committed to “being here”.

hell there were even times when i resented being here.

and i seemed to have a memory that this was not to be a permanent thing.

that it was a mission of sorts.

and when it was over i would be going home.

so many cellular memories came bubbling to the surface.

even of times when everything in my life had been going well.

and it was like there had been a little voice in my head that said.

don’t get too comfortable, remember we’re not staying.

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we need to “feel it to heal it”

i was doing some “beditating”

when i touched upon a memory/feeling that was not pleasant to remember/feel.

into my awareness floated that we need to “feel it to heal it”

so i directed my focus to “feeling” the emotion /memory.

as i focused and breathed the feeling/memory intensified

and i congratulated myself that i was finally healing this memory/emotion.

then i felt an adverse energy/acknowledgement arising.

this energy/acknowledgement suggested that by focusing on “healing” the feeling/memory

i was trying to change it

thus in fact rejecting it.

oh my !

so i relaxed my focus on healing the feeling/memory

and allowed the energy of allowing to brush up against it.

that felt good.

it’ll be interesting to see how it all feels next time that feeling /memory surfaces.

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wearing a “just choose it” gown

i have never gotten the “just choose your reality” program.

i could do the choosing my reaction to something that had happened bit but not the proactive choosing bit.

well last night during my sleep time i made a start. it was like i was in a shop with gowns.

and i was in the fitting room wearing a “just choose it” gown.

i remember chuckling thinking you don’t yet own it but at least you’re wearing it

even if you’re still in the fitting room.

after that scene i fell into regular sleep

and when i woke from that i took a long time to connect with my eternal self.

then i thought to revisit the fitting room and instantly i was there.

i considered i was visiting the akashic records.

then thought is that what we do when we have dreams that recur frequently

moving one step forward when we revisit months or years later.

is that like the future is the past healed.

or parallel lives which are improved.

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“i’m doing it for humanity, for the collective”

i’ve been thinking about this whole “i’m doing it for humanity, for the collective” thing.

and i’m beginning to think that while my releasing, integrating etc benefits humanity / the collective

ultimately i can only release and integrate my own crap.

possibly crap from my ancestors, dna etc but not “for” anyone else.

i’m thinking that has been one of the pitfalls of patriarchy.

thinking we know better or *are* better than another.

last year I met a woman who i viewed almost with disdain.

but i came to see that she embodies attributes that i have denied having

and she also has strengths that i don’t have.

i’ve dropped a lot of arrogance since i met her.

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musing #1 – What is it that you want?

What is it that you want?

I want all of my comfort needs taken care of

I want to be free to follow my nudges and my desires.

And after that?

I want to enjoy the beauty of nature

To enjoy harmonious relationships & good health

I want to laugh.

Then immerse yourself

what’s that about

immerse yourself in life

in all of its joys & sorrows

all of its experiences

you are here to feel and to experience

to laugh & play and to sing & dance

and you’re allowed a little foot stomping along the way

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Overcoming a sense of not deserving is really hard

What am I to do about supporting myself financially?

Focus on remembering your dreams, while also taking action steps.

Do something if you are seriously playing this game.

This Game?

This Game of Life.

I have been reading about Putting out Intentions. Should I be doing this?

If you choose.

OK I will put out an Intention that I will receive some cash.

You can put out that Intention, but do you believe it?

I believe, that since I lost some money in a bad investment, that there’s some of “my cash” out there

so it would be Ok for me to ask for it back.

What if there was not any of “your cash” out there, would it still be OK to ask for some?

You find that question more difficult do you not?

Overcoming a sense of not deserving is really hard.

There is enough for everyone, so you can receive everything you want.

There are resources out there that you are not even aware of, so maintain faith.

Set your Intention on creating a life that incorporates all of the things that are important to you.

At the same time, intend that you will allow as much of your old stuff as possible to clear.

This is how you create a balanced life.

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constantly finding coins

Over the past 3/4 weeks I seem to be constantly finding coins.

I find them everywhere – on the sidewalk, in the washer, in pockets of my clothing (even tho I use a coin-purse and do not tend to carry loose change in my pocket), once even in the garden.

Each time it has been a single coin tho of varying values.

And each time spotting the coin has caused me to chuckle.

When the coin is a penny (which is the most frequent) l tend to think of the children’s story of leaving a trail of bread crumbs to find their way back – taking comfort thinking that I left a trail of pennies.

When the coin is other than a penny (maybe 1/4 of the time) I tend to laugh out loud as I think “just to shake you up in case you get too complacent”.

this morning I’m thinking that this “game” also contains some reminders:

– that there is ‘abundance” all around me/us

that previously I have been limited by a belief that my abundance (worth) is of the level of pennies and the sporadic inclusion of coins of more “worth” are to shake me from that belief.

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