Because only part of you is choosing it

I returned to my home province and accepted an offer to stay with a friend in my old neighborhood by the beach.

One day as I was walking out the front door of my friend’s building, the manager was putting up a Vacancy sign for a studio suite.

I decided this would be a perfect temporary solution for me .

Then my old job became available.

While I had resistance to returning to the job, I also had fear about not taking it.

I decided to take the job but it wasn’t long before I was asking why I had chosen to do so.

You have chosen to return to this job because it is the safest place for you to embrace your next stage of growth.

If I’m choosing it then why am I also resisting it?

Because only part of you is choosing it.

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“what I really want” has not been manifesting because …

I had rather forgotten about the whole issue of a possible talk with the VP as my son was visiting and we were doing family stuff.

My son left one morning and that evening I remembered the work thing and I thought, “Hey, I must have escaped that ordeal”.

Not so!

The next morning I got the “I need to see you for a few minutes” email from the VP.

Since the request was by email, I decided to take a smoke break before I responded.

I was amazed at the feelings that came up during this smoke break. I don’t want to do more accounts. Well, maybe I could do this much more. Maybe I could trade one of my smaller accounts for a larger one, etc. etc.

I even saw myself start the tape that said, “don’t you dare change things, I want things to stay just the way they are, until I have manifested what I really want”.

And then I remembered, that I had been seeing my job as temporary and wondering why “what I really want” had not been manifesting.


“what I really want” has not been manifesting because I have been holding onto “things staying just the way they are until….”

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give thanks to your human self

just before waking i had connected with a very, very tiny little figure in my belly. i thought / felt it’s a very, very tiny male human.

slowly this tiny figure and i built a relationship. We got to the “i only want to be with my beloved” feeling.

then i had the question of who is it that is feeling this love and remembered a quote of “give thanks to your human self” and i thought well who is it that would give thanks to my human self

at that moment i became very large and for a moment i felt my magnificence

and i am left with this wonderful question of hey wait a minute i’ve been looking at this in reverse. i’ve been looking at it from human eyes, human mind.

but when i get into observer mode then i am in I AM mode. only the I AM could give thanks to my human self or could love my human self.

with my morning ciggie i remembered that during my sleep experience after “i” had made a connection with the tiny male human figure i found in my belly i had the thought / feeling of ok i’ve had that experience almost like i can put a check mark beside that one.

and i realize that i have tended to have a checklist kind of mentality.

like i had this list of things i was to do or experience and almost a bit of let’s get these things done, experienced and get ourselves the hell out of here.

many times when my life started going well from the perspective of human comforts it was almost as though a part of me would say don’t get too comfortable, remember we’re not staying, this isn’t really our home.

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Remembering March 11, 2011

(from my journal notes) ..

I woke early this morning and after some time with myself I decided to listen to Joe Rumbolo on Awakening Zone. Shortly after Joe talked about us living simultaneously in several dimensions, I decided to take a break from the show and check my emails.

Exiting my hotmail account through News, I see a headline about a big earthquake in Japan. My son has lived in Japan for the past 8 years so I know that earthquakes are somewhat of a common occurrence there but hmmm this one is big, this one is north of Tokyo. Then I see it…. Sendai (where my son and his young family live).

Tsunami waves up to 30 feet. Hmmm, my son said that their new house was up the hillside, I wonder how far up the hillside.

Oh wait the quake / tsunami occurred at 3pm their time. My son and his family would have been at the Day Care Center where they attend / work.

But wait, I’m not feeling the slightest bit of fear. I know that he is OK. I think I’ll have a coffee.

As I listen to the coffee machine gurgle I find myself begin to question, how can you possibly be calm? Do you think you’re just in denial? Is it possible that your son is actually dead? (For some reason I didn’t think hurt, jumped right to dead).

And then my mind went to, well if he is dead what would happen?

I “saw” his dad & I flying to Japan and meeting with the Japanese family that he has married into. Then what ? My son is only 39 years old, we have never talked about what he might like to happen if he died.

I knew that his wife & daughters would be fine surrounded by their family in Japan. What would my son want ? Oh Yes. He would want to be cremated and part of his ashes scattered on a ski mountain in northern Japan and part on a ski mountain in northern Canada. Yes that feels right.

And the next moment I realized that this whole “scene” had been played out somewhere (Thank You Joe Rumbolo for your talk on living simultaneously in several dimensions), and I needed “that scene” to play out before I got on with the next step in this dimension which was emailing my son and asking simply “You guys Ok?”

As I pressed Send, I accepted that it could be some time before I got a response. That’s Ok.

Less than a minute later the response came “We’re OK”

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believing that the universe is unfriendly, tends to make it so

What about my present refusal to accept that finding a job will be as hard as other people are saying it will be?

It is a mirror, for you to see how people believing that the universe is unfriendly, tends to make it so for them.

That is why you were given the experience of finding the Group Home job.

So that you could remember that when you are clear and focused on your Intent, then it happens. At the time that you received that job, you had a Belief that it would happen, and it did.

However at that time you were still operating intellectually, you were not in touch with your emotions.

Now that you are getting in touch with your emotions, you are finding things a bit more confusing because your fears are surfacing.

So what do I do now?

Now you feel your feelings. Feel your fear. Feel your sadness. Allow each feeling. Tell each feeling that it is OK for it to be there.

We will help you with this. We have been waiting a long time for you to get in touch with your feelings.

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Now the time is Upon us

All of you, now that you can see the Finish Line, want to cross that line and bask in the glory. That will come. There’s just a bit more work to be done before the basking.

It’s actually harder now that the Finish Line is in sight.

Do not go backwards.

Remember that you are never alone, that you are loved, and that you will be cared for.

Is cared for the same as provided for?

You will provide for yourself with our assistance.

And who are you who will be assisting me?

We are your Angelic Team, those who have known you in other lifetimes and in other Realities.

We come here now to assist you as you take this very important next step, important both in your own development and in the development of Humanity.

We Thank You for your Agreement to take this step and for the courage that you show by doing so.

We have All of Us awaited and hoped for this next step for eons of time. And we are grateful and excited that it has now arrived.

It is like a Birth.

The gestation period has been long and at times arduous. At times we wondered if Indeed there would ever Be Completion and Fruition.

Now the time is upon us.

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“feel it to heal it”

i was doing some “beditating” (lying in my bed doing some deep breathing 🙂 ) when i touched upon a memory/feeling that was not pleasant to remember/feel.

into my awareness floated the teaching that we need to “feel it to heal it” so i directed my focus to “feeling” the emotion/memory.

as i focused and breathed the feeling/memory intensified and i congratulated myself that i was finally healing this memory/emotion.

then i felt an adverse energy/acknowledgement arising.

this energy/acknowledgement suggested that by focusing on “healing” the feeling/memory i was trying to change it thus in fact rejecting it.

oh my ! 🙂

so i relaxed my focus on healing the feeling/memory and allowed the energy of accepting to brush up against the feeling/memory.

that felt good.

it’ll be interesting to see how it all feels next time that feeling/memory surfaces.

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