best to focus on integration rather on creation

for the longest time i flip-flopped between “my soul is in charge” and “i am in charge”.

now i interpret it that soul & i are accompanying each other on 2 journeys.

soul is joining me in “my reality” and soul would like me to join it on “it’s journey”.

so there would be times when soul has more influence and times when i have more influence.

and we create everything.

it’s just us in different forms. perhaps as our soul, past-lives or aspects.

sometimes one part of us doesn’t like what another part has created.

so our focus is best placed on integration rather on creation.

cos when we’re totally integrated then we will like all of our creations.

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experiences around “sending love”

It began with an exercise where we were to connect with the love that we felt for someone, Breathe In that love and then send the love to the Grid to be picked up by anyone inclined to do so. 

I found that I had some resistance to this exercise.

Last night as I was falling off to sleep I felt this huge rush of Love energy coming to and through my nostrils.

For a few moments I just basked in the luxury of receiving this energy.

Then I had the thought to receive it and then return it (may even have felt that I should return it).

Doing so, it felt like the energy came in, filtered through my heart and then “I” sent it back out.

For a few minutes after I started this, the energy would build and then it would stop or become uncomfortable, like there was a block somewhere.

I repeated a few times (1) just receiving and (2) receiving and returning.

Same results each time. The receiving felt wonderful but once I “insisted” on also sending back, the flow and nice feeling stopped or felt uncomfortable.

It’s true that I have recently said that my cells have a low vibe of receiving which I choose to upgrade, but I’m also wondering if there’s something here about me / us moving away from consciously “sending” love and simply “radiating” love.

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today’s “taking out the garbage” experience

here on pender island we residents take our household garbage to a garbage bin shed attached to one of the liquor store outlets. Because it is necessary to obtain the key to the shed from the liquor store garbage must be disposed of during liquor store hours.

And because there is a charge of $6 per garbage bag regardless of how full the bag is further logistics come into play. As a single person household who composts, recycles and burns paper products it takes quite a while to fill a garbage bag.

Then there’s the weight factor cos the garbage bag needs to be carried up a slope to my car. And i prefer to go on a sunny day cos the parking lot at the garbage bin shed is unpaved and has several potholes. today the weather is dry. My garbage bag is nearing full. So i begin the assembly process.

First i check the freezer and add the frozen meat bones and other discarded meat products including bacon wrappings etc which i don’t choose to store in the garbage bag so i freeze till garbage day. One of the few advantages of having an older model fridge that requires defrosting cos the tray under the freezer is perfect for storing these discarded meat bones & wrappings.

Then i notice still a bit of room and still not too heavy so in goes the broken glass plate which fits beautifully into a foil tray for protection as i cart the bag to and from the car. Also room for some hard foam from a recent coffee pot purchase. Ok think we’re good . We can head to the car now.

So up the slope i go carrying my garbage to the car. When i reach into my pocket for my car key . Oops i forgot to bring my car keys. No worries i’ll just leave the bag here and pop it into the trunk when i return.

So i go back to the house. Collect a couple of things including my car keys and head back to my car. Pop my grocery shopping bags behind my seat, hop in and start the car and begin to back up. Wtf ? Sounds like i have run over something. Wtf ? So i stop the car, get out and start walking back to check.

Even before i reached the back of my car i remembered . Oh shit my bag of garbage . Sure enough. I backed over the bag of garbage which hooked onto my muffler and tore open. Shit ! There it is . Broken glass on the drive where i park my car. And not a paved drive which can be swept. A dirt drive.

So i go back to the house for another garbage bag and pick up the glass as cleanly as i can . And off to the garbage bin

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day1 of my 5 day adventure without electricity.

dec20 i had heard strong winds in the early morning while i was still in bed. but when i got up all was calm. i put in a laundry and was on fb waiting for the wash to be ready for the dryer when the power went out. it was calm & sunny so i went for a drive. drove to the pub to see if their kitchen was open cos i hadn’t eaten and with the power out couldn’t cook.

parking lot at pub was full cos it was lunch hour so i drove up the road a bit. came to a shaw cable truck parked on left side of road with some green tree tops around the truck but looked like they could have just been pruning.

so i continued driving on the right side of the road. the sun was shining in my face so i didn’t see the drooping wires till i was almost driving into them. i swerved to the right. fortunately the shoulder was flat not a ditch like much of our roads. drove on a bit and came to a large tree blocking the road. not lying on the road but perfectly balanced about 4 feet above the road.

so i turned around and of course came back to the drooping wires which i could now see as the sun was behind me. i looked at them and thought they could maybe touch the roof of my car. but they weren’t broken or spewing just drooping. and i remembered during a lightning storm decades ago my dad saying that during an electric lightening storm the safest place you could be was in your vehicle cos of the rubber tires.

so i took a breath and drove through. went to the pub for a meal. by the time i got home the wind was coming up again. and i guess came up really strongly during the night because the trees that got uprooted were 18-20 inches in diameter. granted we have rocky soil so poor root systems

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the defragment

I am a novice computer user – albeit an adventurous one. One morning as I was trying to unfreeze my computer, I found this thing that said “Defragment”. Sensing that this would help, I started it up. I watched a little nervously as the program started. I may be adventurous – but not totally without fear.

A few minutes into the defragment, I realized that I was feeling an “energy exchange” with the computer, like we were going through something together – something that felt like a “birth”. Part of me wanted to go and have my morning salt bath while another part felt that I would like to stay with my computer / friend who was going through this “birth”.

After a few more minutes, I felt that it was appropriate for me to leave my computer / friend to defrag while I had my bath.

When I returned to my computer / friend, she was still defragging. I sat with “her” and tears came to my eyes – this is big for me as tears do not easily come to my eyes. I watched “her” process in fascination of “Oh look how one part seems to go ahead to clear the way for the part that is following.”

And each time the program went back to pick up a little piece that seemed to have been flagged and left behind, more tears came to my eyes. I thought that’s like what I seem to be doing. Each time I have some new learning, it’s like I go back and heal little pieces from my past that were wounded because I didn’t have the necessary learning at the time.

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Universe you’ve been good to me

You’ve helped me listen you’ve helped me see

Life’s a blessing that’s for sure

Though it’s sometimes difficult to see the cure

To life’s worries and life’s woes

But how we meet them that’s the test

We do our part you do the rest

We need to believe, open to receive

Help each other, learn to care

Come from the heart, whatever the scene

Say where we’re going, say where we’ve been

You’re here to help us, whatever our state

There’s always time, it’s never too late

To enjoy your beauty, receive your abundance

Know that we’re loved, there’s no redundance

We wake each day to view your glory

We’re loved, we’re blessed, whatever our story

The choice is ours, it always has been

What choice we make remains to be seen

We look to our future, we look to our past

Hoping to find some balance at last

It’s faith we’re after, plus love and good cheer

We’re excited now, it’s almost here

Those promises of yesterday now magically transformed

To a new way of living, a way to be reborn

We knew what we wanted, just didn’t know how

So we struggled in darkness, forgetting the Thou

We thought only our Me would be enough

But you were the one with the powerful stuff

Stuff that could be ours if we paused to see 

You were waiting for us to join our Me with Thee

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grounding an “old skill”

a few days ago in a constellations session i participated in, the facilitator had us “read” each other. i surprised myself by doing quite well with 2 of the 5 others. for 1 i saw a past life as a viking explorer not a warrior but an explorer. The woman said how when she had lived in norway she felt she understood the language instantly. for the other who had asked about her upcoming year i saw her on stage speaking. turns out she has a coach lined up for the whole year to help her with stage presentations using voice & movement i didn’t get anything for the others who were not visible and i seem to need to see their face to make a connection with them.

when i first started describing what i got from the first woman, the facilitator asked if i wanted to stand up as i told what i was seeing. i said no i don’t want to 🙂 then it was like i had a surge of determination or inspiration and said yes i will stand. and standing made me feel “stronger”. perhaps i was grounding an “old skill”. our intention for the exercise was to bring forward any gifts from our ancestors, past lives etc.

The next day for perhaps an hour or 2 i felt intense fear/anxiety. the following day an hour or 2 of intense anger. I’m wondering if the intense feelings were related to me having claimed past “reading” abilities.

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