I’ve experienced some weird animal behavior over the past 24 hrs.
yesterday afternoon a neighbor dog came racing around the corner of my house. charged past me sitting on a terraced garden planter. then he did a few manic maneuvers before running off. i thought “that dog should be on prozac”
a new neighbor dog was coming around last year and stealing my smoking cushions. anyway haven’t seen him for months maybe even a year till yesterday afternoon when he came around acting manic. i thought that dog should be on prozac.
then this morning i was sitting immediately outside my door on a ledge. sitting really close to the door. when this bird came flying out of no where flying fast about knee height in my sitting position and quite close to my knees. flew towards the door and when it realised the door was closed it was momentarily almost trapped in the corner formed by the door and the ledge and behind my coat that was hanging down because i was sitting. didn’t take long for the bird to right itself and find its way to the open side of the patio and freedom. only thing i can think of is that it thought my blue door was water or sky. still weird and strange that it happened so soon after weird behavior of dog.
A friend asked .. What do you think the universe wants your attention for?
Me … perhaps asking . are you just going to sit there ignoring all the craziness going on around you
earlier i was chatting with a “non-physical entity” called tobias who claims he is tobias of the story of tobit which is contained in some editions of the bible. i was introduced to tobias thru monthly channels of a spiritual community i belonged to. and for a few years tobias was “my man”. i needed to hear him tell me he loved me over and over and over. possibly because i came from a lineage where children were not told that they were loved. so tobias filled a hole in my heart and he has remained in my heart since.
as a result of recent readings about “false light” and “bonding from our wounds” i got to pondering my relationship with tobias. so today i chatted with him about how he could be part of the false light construct and i may have bonded with him out of my wounding.
and what did tobias answer. he said it didn’t matter if he was part of the false construct or not. that the important part was that i had learned what it felt like to feel loved. that everything is/was done out of love. even if entities are part of the false light construct or they deceive/betray humans, it is all for the benefit of the human. all part of the play that we came to earth to learn. similar to the light and the dark. only by knowing one could we truly know the other.
in parting he added . yes you are loved. everyone is loved. and everyone is loving. even those who lie to you, deceive you, mistreat you, do so in love. so that you will rise to your greatness and say no more mistreatment, no more deceit. henceforth i will listen carefully and discern. i will heal my wounds so that i am less susceptible to being misled.
Oh how many hours have I cried
Without really knowing the reason why
With head held low
Over arms that were bent
I cried and cried until I was spent
I cried for you and I cried for me
Mostly I cried where no-one could see
Why did I feel
That I couldn’t be real
Or that people wouldn’t accept me as me
Why did I think that I needed to learn
To behave like others, learn to discern
What was good and what was bad
What made me happy, what made me sad
Why couldn’t I just have been me from the start
One little Being with a great big heart
i accessed an emotion / feeling that i have identified as self-loathing. it was the most vile thing i have ever encountered. during that time i recalled a conversation i had had with my non-physical friend tobias. He & i were discussing past experiences of lying and betraying that i had been involved in. we discussed that in many of these experiences i had lied or betrayed to protect members of my family or community. but then i had the sense that there was someting that had not been said / acknowledged. so i asked tobias if all of my lies and betrayals had been to protect others. i can still feel tobias’s gentle response of .. not all of them sharon not all of them. the implication being that there had been times when i had lied and deceived to protect my own skin. so yea self-loathing would be there for acceptance.
i’m finding that this self-worth issue is a two-sided thing. there’s accepting / loving my grandness and there’s accepting / loving my un-grandness
i felt a jolt when i read this comment .. “Even some of my own dark experiences that have shaped my life have turned out to be false memories implanted to keep me busy healing trauma within myself and not focused on my service to others”
after the jolt i remembered talking with a trauma coach and completing her questionnaire to see if i would bet a suitable client for her. part way thru i had the thought that i didn’t really need what she was offering. i had the thought just before she said the actual words.
i was scrolling thru my journal notes to recall that conversation. didn’t find my notes but did find notes on another time.
……. last evening i was really restless, couldn’t settle on an activity. so i visited the thread re that trauma retreat, watch a couple of powerful episodes with primal scream releases. then i went to sleep and could feel energy buildup in my body. woke about 4am having gotten up to pee about 3/4 times guess releasing lots of pissed off energy. anyway got up after getting a message/download that no-one knew more than me or that i knew as much as others. including others who were channeled. then spent a couple of hours on facebook went back to bed after listening to an orion transmission about war between light & dark and memories from that time. in my sleep it was as tho one part of me kept trying to go to the depths of feelings of guilt & remorse about that light-dark fight but i couldn’t quite get to the depths. then i had the question of was it all an illusion. was the guilt & remorse i thought i was carrying actually an illusion. and that felt valid. and i thought shit can this be true. have we been tricked into negative feelings that really have no basis. hmmm …… hopefully this time i will truly “get it” !!!!
i had a far out 🙂 thought this morning.
for years it was not unusual for me to see the image below behind my closed eyelids.
a couple of months ago i once again saw it and realised that i hadn’t seen it in quite some time. shortly after that sighting i saw the image again. only this time it was in black & white rather than in color (wizard of oz in reverse 🙂 ) . yet i also felt a burst of excitement at seeing the black & white image. felt like i had taken a further step or reached higher or deeper. but i didn’t get any aha to satisfy my mind.
then i was drawn to watch 2 alba hypnotherapy videos that involved talk about intergalactic stuff. and i had read about “fallen melchizedeks” who were involved in gender inequality.
and this morning i thought that vision i had that reminded me of the milky way and then being in black & white was my galactic shadow aspects !!!
will be interesting to integrate them 🙂
i was tempted to post about an experience i had recently where i accepted an offer of a free 15 minute consultation from a trauma coach. as i was answering the coach’s list of prescribed questions for her to determine whether or not i would be a suitable client for her i suddenly got the intuitive message that the idea or belief that i have carried about elusive trauma that i have experienced (elusive meaning that i have no memory of specifics) anyway the intuitive message i got was that my memories of past trauma are an illusion. before i could share this message with the coach i heard her saying “i don’t think you need my services”. i was hesitant to share my experience. so true to form as to how my life operates at the moment. the following just showed up in my newsfeed “Remember that it is this you came here to do, this transmutation of trauma work.”