My Connection with My Car

I discovered that “would-be thieves” had been in my car but had been unable to steal it. I was grateful that the car hadn’t been stolen, grateful that the car would still start despite the gearbox having been tampered with and grateful that the registration papers had been left on the floor of the car.

But I was in shock at the condition of the car’s interior and amazed at how much this affected me. Emotional reactions that started with how could I have been so Trusting and so Foolish as to leave my garage unlocked (though my car had been safe for 18 months in this unlocked garage). Then came guilt, as my car has served me well since I bought it several years earlier and it has been with me essentially through my whole Spiritual Journey. In fact it has in many ways been The Constant through my Journey. And during a few times of precarious financial choices, I had promised myself that I would not jeopardize losing it.

What to do next? The car’s interior now felt to be “below the standard” of what I was allowing myself to believe that I deserved. I have not been very conscientious about cleaning the car’s interior over the years and I have smoked in it, so this vandalism damage really tipped the scales. And I was “responsible” for the car now being in this condition, I was the one who had left the garage unlocked. I fluctuated, should I investigate getting a new car at a time when I was unemployed? Would I even be able to buy a new car at this time?

One day I got the Knowing that I could drive to the GM dealer and arrange for a new car lease or purchase. That seemed to release my fear that maybe purchasing another car was not an option at this time. The next day my environmentalist side kicked in with: but the exterior of your car is fine, doesn’t even look like an older car. So why would you consider replacing it?

I decided to go slowly, get the interior fixed, see how it looked and then decide. When I went to pick up my car after the repair, there it was sitting sparkling in the sunshine. “You’ve washed my car!” I exclaimed. “Yep, inside and out”, said the man. And sure enough they had even shampooed the interior. I couldn’t believe how excited I was to have my car back.

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I heard harp music !

I had gone to the beach and sat for a time on a bench taking in the natural beauty. Then I had the thought to lie down, so I stretched out on the grass in front of the bench. After I had made myself comfortable, I gazed out at the water, the mountains and the trees, and I thought “This is Heaven.” Almost immediately I heard harp music !

As I was congratulating myself on how my imagination had increased, I thought “that isn’t your imagination”. So, I looked up and Sure Enough, behind the bench, there was a guy playing a huge harp.

Later as I was telling a neighbor about saying “This is Heaven” and then hearing the harp music, my neighbor was kind enough (or not) to point out, that it was unfortunate that I hadn’t said that I felt like a millionaire.

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I thank you mom I thank you dad

I’m sorry for the lives that you each had

The times were hard as we each know

Wishing it were different won’t make it so

Or maybe it will if we realize

It’s time and mistakes that make us wise

We do the best that we can as things unfold

Only later do we see a better way

We wish we’d acted differently way back then

But that’s the lesson we’ve come here to learn

It’s the regrets we have that help us change

Everything else we do the same

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my attitude towards authority

recently i unearthed a memory from my days as an elementary school student. we children played softball on a part of the school grounds that was bordered by a street with no fence in between.

one day a student chased the ball into the street. i can’t remember if the child was hit by a car or only the possibility presented itself. what i do remember is that the principal reacted by declaring that henceforth any student who chased a ball onto the street would be strapped.

when my father heard this he told my brothers & i that he hoped we would not be foolish enough to chase a ball onto the street, but in the event that we did so, we were to refuse to be strapped. we were to tell the principal to call my father who would say that we were not to be strapped for the misjudgement of a child.

i had forgotten that incident but i’m curious to unearth how that incident may have influenced my attitude towards authority later in my life.

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as long as she suffered more

i once had a job that involved working with a council looking after an apartment complex. one woman on the council was a real pain to work with and both the other council members and myself wished she’d just leave.

but no she stayed and there came a time when she overstepped her boundaries and got herself in hot water which brought me a certain amount of glee 🙂 and i allowed myself to enjoy her suffering for a time even tho i could have fixed the problem.

and then one morning i woke up and realised her being in hot water was also increasing my work load as i was the person in charge. the person who needed to act as go-between and record all interactions.

and i just about chocked on my morning coffee to realise that i had been prepared to work harder/suffer as long as she suffered more.

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one part of me apologising to another part of me

lately i’ve been visiting a phase in my youth when i allowed myself to enjoy some outrageous behaviour 🙂

as scenes from that time came into my awareness i would think omg poor guy in reference to my partner at the time and omg my poor parents.

then one day i became aware that there is/was a part of me that had also been embarrassed by some of my outrageous behavior. well now 🙂

and i had the idea to apologise to the embarrassed part of myself. which i did.

and the part i apologised to was most receptive to my apology. and i got quite emotional witnessing one part of me apologising to another part of me.

what a journey we’re on. ❤

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Universe you’ve been good to me

You’ve helped me listen, you’ve helped me see

Life’s a blessing that’s for sure

Though it’s sometimes difficult to see the cure

To life’s worries and life’s woes

But how we meet them that’s the test

We do our part, you do the rest

We need to believe, open to receive

Help each other, learn to care

Come from the heart, whatever the scene

Say where we’re going, say where we’ve been

You’re here to help us, whatever our state

There’s always time, it’s never too late

To enjoy your beauty, receive your abundance

Know that we’re loved, there’s no redundance

We wake each day to view your glory

We’re loved, we’re blessed, whatever our story

The choice is ours, it always has been

What choice we make remains to be seen

We look to our future, we look to our past

Hoping to find some balance at last

It’s faith we’re after, plus love and good cheer

We’re excited now, it’s almost here

Those promises of yesterday now magically transformed

To a new way of living, a way to be reborn

We knew what we wanted, just didn’t know how

So we struggled in darkness, forgetting the Thou

We thought only our Me would be enough

But you were the one with the powerful stuff

Stuff that could be ours if we paused to see

You were waiting for us to join our Me with Thee

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