oh-we-should-have-told-you

Who did I run into on the sidewalk, but an ex-partner who I felt had deceived and betrayed me.

As we started talking, it felt like my head was split into a front part and a back part. The back part was replaying my litany of old complaints and accusations.

Meanwhile the front part was having a pleasant conversation even genuinely extending some thanks for things I had learned during our relationship.

As I said Goodbye and began walking away, I could feel that I was releasing not only my sense of hurt and betrayal but also the energy of my previous attraction to this man.

A few days after this encounter, I was sitting on a bench at the beach when a man approached and asked if he could join me. We proceeded to have a most amazing conversation.

And part of what I found so amazing about the conversation was that while one part of me knew that the guy was telling me “lies” and seemed to know what things to talk about to pique my interest, another part of me was resonating with the energy that he was putting out.

Over the next month this resonance surfaced within me each time I saw the man, though I never spoke with him again.

After that month, I would see him and find it almost laughable that I had ever resonated with him.

What I have come to believe is that he picked up on the energy that I was releasing and that’s the energy in which we resonated with each other.

And I considered how previously when I’ve chosen to release something I expected that the release would be immediate.

So, when I found myself resonating with the next man, house, or job, I thought that I was resonating from a new energy within myself.

But maybe when we are releasing an energy, we are highly susceptible to attracting a similar energy situation to the one we are releasing

and we need to be vigilant of the situations we attract until the released energy has totally cleared our energy field.

I went with a friend to a “spiritual presentation” group that she frequented.

My friend stopped to talk to someone she knew and I proceeded to park myself in one of the prime seats.

A few minutes later I was approached by a young woman who informed me that she had received guidance that she was supposed to sit in the chair which I was occupying.

I looked at her for a few minutes before replying “well I guess you’ll need to inform your guidance that this chair is occupied”

What if we changed Mr Right to Mr Maybe

Then instead of asking if he’s Mr Right

We could ask if maybe he’s Mr Right for now

To teach what he can and then to move on

And we’ll learn not to pine after he’s gone

But realize that he was Mr Right but only for a time

And in his own little way he helped us to shine.

We can learn to grow brighter with each Mr Maybe

And one day we will see that each Mr Maybe

Was actually Mr Right . but only for now.

Or maybe we’ll recycle

Learn to value now what we didn’t back then

Love is about learning as the gambler has told

Learning when to hold and when to fold

And while life is like gambling it’s also true

That life goes on when the gambling is through.

We’re always dealt another hand

We always have a reserve stash

One more bid to make

One more hand to try

And it goes on like that until we die.

Or maybe even longer depending on belief

Maybe we get to do it over. wouldn’t that be a relief

To know it’s all a game after all

And if we don’t like the outcome we can ask for a recall.

What about my present refusal to accept that finding a job will be as hard as other people are saying it will be?

It is a mirror for you to see how people believing that the universe is unfriendly, tends to make it so for them. That is why you were given the experience of finding the Group Home job. So that you could remember that when you are clear and focused on your Intent, then it happens.

At the time that you received that job, you had a Belief that it would happen, and it did. However at that time you were still operating intellectually, you were not in touch with your emotions. Now that you are getting in touch with your emotions, you are finding things a bit more confusing because your fears are surfacing.

So what do I do now?

Now you feel your feelings. Feel your fear. Feel your sadness. Allow each feeling. Tell each feeling that it is OK for it to be there. We will help you with this. We have been waiting a long time for you to get in touch with your feelings.

I had been wondering how to catch the shuttle bus to the airport. As I was walking to my car I realized that I had forgotten my cigarettes in my apartment. I felt nudged to go back up to the apartment to get them as opposed to stopping at the corner store to buy another pack.

Coming back down in the elevator, I talked with a man carrying a suitcase and learned that the shuttle bus stopped at the nearby local hotel.

Aha! So that’s why I had felt the nudge to return to my apartment.

i was sitting on a concrete ledge rocking back & forth when i felt a new nerve ending. i got that it was connected to my aspect who feels she never gets what she wants, others get more etc. so i rocked a bit more and gawd my legs did so much trembling off & on for perhaps an hour.

yesterday was trembling today the fear energy is leaving my system. i sense it’s related to this “story” i’ve been carrying …….

i had an amazing evening/night. it started with an email about the upcoming group call of a course i was taking and saying we can submit questions. Later i was lying down thinking of what questions i might submit and i remembered my fear of being homeless. next came a memory of years ago when i chose to quit my job and rent a waterfront cabin even though it meant selling my house which i had always looked at as being my security.

Then i thought of a session i had with a karma clearing guy who suggested i look deeply into what i resented and i thought i don’t really resent anything at the moment. but somehow i got on to that i resent that i no longer have a house. which led to i resent that i can’t have what i want. 

which got back to my 6 yr old self not being able to have what she wanted by being advanced at school (long story that took me decades to unravel but basically it had been proposed that i be advanced to my older brother’s grade and somehow even at 6 i knew that would not be a good thing). so i cried & vomited so much that the idea was dismissed.

So last night i remembered my 6 yr old unconscious fear of if i chose what i wanted by being advanced at school i feared blowing apart my family and then who would take care of me.

and i thought aha that’s where security comes in.

my security is tied to me NOT getting what i want. 

i was at my computer with the door open to allow more sun into the house. suddenly I hear mad fluttering at the window just behind my back. I glance over my shoulder and there is a bird fluttering against the inside of the closed window

as I am wondering how one goes about getting a bird out of one’s house the bird does a 180 and flies back out the open door.

Later doing some pondering i thought how at the time of discovering the bird frantically fluttering at my closed window my thoughts were strictly 3d.

NOW i’m “thinking” .. bird frantically flapping/fluttering trying to escape through a window that looks like an opening BUT is actually closed.

Then all of a sudden something tells the bird to turn in the opposite direction and VOILA easy flying out the open door .. hmmmm

here’s the story of how the title came about ……

I was working away at my computer when suddenly the monitor screen went blank.  Almost simultaneously there was a huge bang, like a transformer had blown outside my apartment building.  Seconds later the monitor screen clicked back on.

The next day I was talking with a neighbor who said that his monitor screen had not shut off, possibly because he had a heavy-duty surge protector.  So I headed off to the computer shop to upgrade my surge protector.

I came home to find that neither my computer monitor nor my telephone answering machine would work when connected to this new surge protector.  So I head back to the computer store to explain the situation to the clerk who says, “Oh, we should have told you that you need to hook things up in a certain sequence.”

I then say that I also need some compressed air to clean my computer.  The clerk says “we have this new improved brand that has no chemicals and so is much more environmentally friendly and also eliminates the danger of getting chemicals into your computer.  The drawback is that it’s about three times more expensive”.  I decide that in the interest of the environment and of my computer, I will go for the improved brand.

I get home, insert a canister into the casing and start spraying my computer.  In about 10 seconds the canister is empty.  Thinking that maybe the canister was defective, I insert the second canister.  Same thing.  Ten seconds of spraying and the canister is empty.

I go back to the store and say that I have a problem with this.  The clerk (a different clerk from the previous day) says “Oh, we should have told you that you need to spray in short little bursts, not in one continuous spray”.

So now I’m sitting here wondering – what is the significance of me getting the message of “Oh we should have told you” two days in a row – especially since the 2^nd clerk didn’t ask whether I had sprayed continuously or in spurts.

And part of me is screaming:

“What else is there that “you should have told me”?

i had a dawn encounter with a raccoon. i was sitting on a bench. raccoon was about 5/6 feet away. first on all 4’s looking towards me. then he stood up on his hind legs. first time i’ve seen a raccoon do that. i first felt he was curious. later felt he might be considering attacking me. i came back inside.

Later thinking more about my time when i felt the raccoon was contemplating whether it might attack. i suddenly remembered about 20 yrs ago being on a canoe trip and seeing an angry moose on a small island we were paddling past. the moose glared at us and then ran up over a small ridge and down an incline as we rounded a corner. i had the thought shit that moose is contemplating swimming out to our canoe.

when i was recounting this story to a metaphysical friend he said holy shit do you know how much fear you have to be carrying to manifest an angry moose.

so today i thought about the size of the raccoon and remembered the size of the moose and thought holy shit i have released a lot of fear in 20 yrs

i was reading an article about how once you begin to shift your mindset your entire experience with money begins to change.

My response to this article is that i have had a variety of experiences re money & flow. once even going to the grocery store and thinking omg prices have taken a jump. but when i breathed and continued to shop i found that many of my “stock items” were the usual price and my favorite coffee was actually 1/2 price. that time i bought only a few items and the next time i returned to the store prices seemed to be back to “normal”.

as i was typing i wondered about timeline jumping. earlier i had wondered about our trust being tested. Regardless in my experience it hasn’t been a matter of stepping into the flow and being able to stay there. there seems to be a period of wobbling.

i am finding it helpful to take limited or only necessary action during the out of flow times and being more adventurous during the times of being in the flow.