i felt a jolt when i read this comment .. “Even some of my own dark experiences that have shaped my life have turned out to be false memories implanted to keep me busy healing trauma within myself and not focused on my service to others”

after the jolt i remembered talking with a trauma coach and completing her questionnaire to see if i would be a suitable client for her. part way thru i had the thought that i didn’t really need what she was offering. i had the thought just before she said the actual words.

i was scrolling thru my journal notes to recall that conversation. didn’t find my notes but did find notes on another time. 
……. last evening i was really restless, couldn’t settle on an activity. so i visited the thread re that trauma retreat, watch a couple of powerful episodes with primal scream releases. then i went to sleep and could feel energy buildup in my body. woke about 4am having gotten up to pee about 3/4 times guess releasing lots of pissed off energy. got up after getting a message/download that no-one knew more than me or that i knew as much as others including others who were channeled.

spent a couple of hours on facebook. listened to an orion transmission about war between light & dark and memories from that time. went back to bed. in my sleep it was as tho one part of me kept trying to go to the depths of feelings of guilt & remorse about that light-dark fight but i couldn’t quite get to the depths.

then i had the question of was it all an illusion. was the guilt & remorse i thought i was carrying actually an illusion. and that felt valid. and i thought shit can this be true. have we been tricked into negative feelings that really have no basis. hmmm …… hopefully this time i will truly “get it” !!!!