Periodically throughout my Journey there have been books or workshops that have seemed to connect several pieces of the puzzle that is me. At this juncture of my journey, the workshop that showed up was called Physical and Psychic Sexual Energy Abuse.
I was intrigued as to why this workshop would appeal to me as I have no experience of Physical Sexual Abuse – at least not that I’m aware of. Yet I kept returning to the Poster. And each time I looked at it, I was hooked by the eyes on the face on the Poster. I just COULD NOT get those eyes out of my mind. OK, maybe it’s the part about Psychic Sexual Abuse that is intriguing me. But what IS Psychic Sexual Abuse?
I originally thought that I wouldn’t qualify for the workshop, as while the course description included Psychic Abuse, the application form seemed geared to Physical Sexual Abuse experience. Yet I felt it was Important for me to attend. So I stretched myself during the application process to increase my chances of acceptance.
While I was waiting to hear if I had been accepted for the workshop, I did some anti going to the workshop thinking. My personal and Spiritual Growth was already moving very quickly for me, I wasn’t certain I wanted to speed them up. Was I hesitant to run up my credit card? Hesitant to bring too much attention to myself? Would I be going to the workshop with huge expectations? Huge fears? How would I feel telling people I was going to a Sexual Energy workshop? Do I remember being so hesitant to attend a workshop? I asked for help with my confusion and reluctance.
Are you willing to participate fully?
Yes, I’m willing. Maybe a bit reluctant but I’m willing.
Do you want help with the reluctance?
Please ask me again. At the moment, it feels as thought I’m dancing as fast as I can.
I had a vision of my 4 deceased grandparents standing side by side, each standing so straight, so stiff, so serious and so silent, and I couldn’t feel any energy exchange between us. This made me very sad as this was the first time I had had a connection with any of them since they died about 20 years before, and here I was not feeling any connection between us.
Then it was like I saw this banner in the sky that said Oath of Silence. I could almost hear one of my grandmothers saying in this family we do not even think of going off to such a workshop. This was followed by a “message” that I had a responsibility to go, something to do with a commitment I had made, something that I came here to do.
Then I had a dream in which a friend and I were on holiday and my friend asked me to retrieve something from her room. Entering the room I saw a white wicker bassinet lined in pink. I walked over to the bassinet, wondering what it was doing in my friend’s room. I saw a pair of mens underwear laid out on top of this empty pink lined bassinet. As I held up the underwear, wondering if the friend’s boyfriend was really that large, I saw the boyfriend rise from a nearby bed and tell me to put the underwear back. Then I noticed my friend lying silently on the bed.
Revisiting the dream later, I wondered what had happened after the boyfriend told me to put the underwear back. Did I defy the boyfriend? Did I put the underwear back? Certainly not as it had been. When I asked if the boyfriend’s waist was really that wide, was the question, is what the boyfriend represents really this widespread?
I asked for Clarity concerning this dream as I sensed it is huge for me.
Go with your heart and your knowing. You felt that it had to do with male / female sexual energy and it was natural and effortless for you in innocence and safety to lift the underwear, without even realizing the significance of what you were doing.