i have long felt that i carried great grief over a past bereavement that involved a romantic relationship possibly a young family “death”. i wasn’t sure if this was an ancestral grief or a past-life grief of mine.

last evening i was doing a crossword puzzle and was reminded of another time when i was doing a crossword puzzle with a couple of others. that time carried some hurt and shame for me and my eyes started to fill.

for maybe the next 5-10 minutes i continued doing the puzzle while my eyes continued to fill.

when i finished the puzzle even tho it was not yet 9pm i tucked myself into bed and what a wild few hours i had.

my body was feeling all the sensations of grief including the fear that i might drown from the tears running down the back of my throat.

at the same time my mind was off in its own story. sure enuf a love story.

the grief in my body continued to build until i feared going into overwhelm which i chose not to do.

i remembered a friend once saying he asked to experience his lessons in a gentle fashion so i asked if i could experience my grief in a gentle fashion and my physical symptoms abated.

so now i’m sitting with my coffee and writing about my experience. i feel to clarify that i am not experienced with grief. i have tended to block my feelings previously.