I discovered that “would-be thieves” had been in my car but had been unable to steal it. I was grateful that the car hadn’t been stolen, grateful that the car would still start despite the gearbox having been tampered with and grateful that the registration papers had been left on the floor of the car.
But I was in shock at the condition of the car’s interior and amazed at how much this affected me. Emotional reactions that started with how could I have been so Trusting and so Foolish as to leave my garage unlocked (though my car had been safe for 18 months in this unlocked garage). Then came guilt, as my car has served me well since I bought it several years earlier and it has been with me essentially through my whole Spiritual Journey. In fact it has in many ways been The Constant through my Journey. And during a few times of precarious financial choices, I had promised myself that I would not jeopardize losing it.
What to do next? The car’s interior now felt to be “below the standard” of what I was allowing myself to believe that I deserved. I have not been very conscientious about cleaning the car’s interior over the years and I have smoked in it, so this vandalism damage really tipped the scales. And I was “responsible” for the car now being in this condition, I was the one who had left the garage unlocked. I fluctuated, should I investigate getting a new car at a time when I was unemployed? Would I even be able to buy a new car at this time?
One day I got the Knowing that I could drive to the GM dealer and arrange for a new car lease or purchase. That seemed to release my fear that maybe purchasing another car was not an option at this time. The next day my environmentalist side kicked in with: but the exterior of your car is fine, doesn’t even look like an older car. So why would you consider replacing it?
I decided to go slowly, get the interior fixed, see how it looked and then decide. When I went to pick up my car after the repair, there it was sitting sparkling in the sunshine. “You’ve washed my car!” I exclaimed. “Yep, inside and out”, said the man. And sure enough they had even shampooed the interior. I couldn’t believe how excited I was to have my car back.