In the bath I had the realization that things that are meant for me are and have been looking for me.
I cried a little thinking but if they’ve been looking for me why have I felt so alone?
Why didn’t I know that they were looking for me?
I heard it was a timing thing.
Then I explored how do I feel now that I know that these things are looking for me just as I have been looking for them?
I felt maybe more sadness than relief, even though I know that if I’m looking for them and they’re looking for me, it is inevitable that we find each other.
I was having a lovely phone conversation with a new business contact.
At the end of our conversation, the man suggested that we meet for lunch and I agreed.
later I played with the possibility of the lunch being more than business and with the idea of being open to a second meeting. I soon came to know that a romantic relationship did not serve me at the moment.
and at the lunch the man proved so totally not to be a date possibility for me.
Later I wondered which had come first, me deciding that I wanted more time with myself before I have a romantic relationship and the universe conspired to ensure that I would not even be tempted to backtrack on my choice by making the man unsuitable.
Or, had part of my energy field checked out the energy field of the man and of me and so helped set the circumstances for the non-appeal.
I hear Or both.
in my sleep i met up with my part that convinces me that i don’t deserve what i want.
she was like a tree branch stuck in the riverbank. a bit ugly but not overly frightening.
we had a discussion during which she told me i didn’t deserve things i wanted because of horrible things i had done.
and i accepted that. even tho there was no mention of what those horrible things were.
this morning i thought oh wow. this relates to my 6 yr old self fearing that she would blow apart her family if she chose/pursued what she wanted.
i created my ‘you don’t deserve” part to help me not pursue what i wanted.
“you don’t deserve aspect’s taunt of “you don’t deserve b’cos of heinous things you have done” is a LIE.
something she & i made up to keep me from choosing what i want and believing i deserved it.
last tuesday i was “planning” a trip to the big island. and i was clear about renewing my drivers license and having greek food in the area close to the ferry terminal.
my practical part said take your computer to the shop while you’re on that island. it’s only 20 minutes down the road.
but each time i thought of taking the computer i felt foggy. so i didn’t take my computer.
today i noticed a funny smell when i drove to the local shopping center. i checked my car’s oil and it’s really low. and i thought it wouldn’t have been a good idea to do that 20 minutes each way highway driving on tuesday.
just got an aha.
what i was describing as being foggy is like using the 2 sides of our brain. like we used to use a pendulum.
when i’m foggy it’s like the pendulum is still swaying.
no clear answer so i take no action
i think many of us have been mis-led to believe that one day we will wake up (after some “event”) and everything around us will have changed. and we will call that the new earth.
what i believe is that the energy has changed and now new earth is available to all who choose to learn the skill of living on new earth.
because in my opinion it *is* a skill. and like any new skill there is a learning curve.
start being aware of even tiny moments of joy, laughter. of simply enjoying yourself and feeling at ease, in beauty, relaxed.
acknowledge even the tiny miracles. pleasant weather when you want to go for a walk, a friend phoning when you feel like company, having the ingredients to make a meal that you fancy.
become aware of and acknowledge those and they will increase
and you will create your own new earth.
i woke from a nap during which i downloaded a session re “empaths is it time to retire?”
the download talked about how we empaths had voluntarily expanded our energy field to absorb the feelings that others did not want to feel.
but now it was time to retire from doing that. there was confusion as to how we would go about retiring from doing this.
one theory was that we strengthen our energetic boundaries so no further energy would be absorbed.
another theory was that we allow the energies to flow thru us. that we wouldn’t be negatively affected.
then there seemed to be a consensus that we do it in 2 steps.
strengthen our boundaries, transmute within till we are clear of both energy we had already absorbed and of receptors to these energies that remain in our energy field.
then we would be in a position to let all energies flow thru us.
And there was something about now it’s time for those others to do the work for themselves.
We come to this point
This point of No Return
Go back they say
I cannot I say
I cannot go back
I cannot stay
In slumber as I once was
I must go on go beyond
Beyond where I have gone
To a new day a new sunrise
To be all that I can be
To see all that I can see.