just before waking i had connected with a very, very tiny little figure in my belly. i thought / felt it’s a very, very tiny male human.

slowly this tiny figure and i built a relationship. We got to the “i only want to be with my beloved” feeling.

then i had the question of who is it that is feeling this love and remembered a quote of “give thanks to your human self” and i thought well who is it that would give thanks to my human self

at that moment i became very large and for a moment i felt my magnificence

and i am left with this wonderful question of hey wait a minute i’ve been looking at this in reverse. i’ve been looking at it from human eyes, human mind.

but when i get into observer mode then i am in I AM mode. only the I AM could give thanks to my human self or could love my human self.

with my morning ciggie i remembered that during my sleep experience after “i” had made a connection with the tiny male human figure i found in my belly i had the thought / feeling of ok i’ve had that experience almost like i can put a check mark beside that one.

and i realize that i have tended to have a checklist kind of mentality.

like i had this list of things i was to do or experience and almost a bit of let’s get these things done, experienced and get ourselves the hell out of here.

many times when my life started going well from the perspective of human comforts it was almost as though a part of me would say don’t get too comfortable, remember we’re not staying, this isn’t really our home.