as I was parking my car after coming home from the grocery store my upstairs neighbor pointed out that I had an “almost-flat” tire. i looked at the tire with the rim almost resting on the ground and was amazed at the feelings that then overcame me. i almost got to the “this is the end of the line sweetheart, time to rejoin the real world *gasp*.” it had a feeling of . are u going to react / respond . the old way . or the new way.
such a little thing. except my car has been with my for my entire spiritual journey. and i have been totally taking it for granted. suddenly thoughts came of . omg i think i remember that my jack was rusty so i threw it out years ago . and i’m not even sure i have a spare tire. because for years i lived in the city and carried an auto- assistance card so thought no problem . if i need help i will call the auto-assistance people. but here i am now on a small island with no auto-assistance people to call. and suddenly i felt quite ill-prepared. even began questioning several decisions i had made along the way that led me to my current circumstances.
so i breathed for a bit. then got in my car and drove the 2 miles to the mechanic and said “i need help”. got the tire pumped up and tomorrow it will be repaired. but the integration of those overwhelming feelings left me feeling very vulnerable for several days. to the point of cancelling a visit from a friend 2 days after cos i felt it very important that i ground the integration that was taking place. possibly i was integrating something at my core.
when my appointment was taking place I asked about the switch for my signal lights mechanic said oh oh those are expensive maybe $400. I thought well if it’s $400 then it’s $400 cos when I do highway driving it’s a safety concern. mechanic checked his computer said oh wow they’ve lowered the price. now would cost about $250. I said ok i’ll come in next month to make an appointment cos I like to have spacing between my appointments.