oh-we-should-have-told-you

we all set out from source

as part of a puzzle

to have experiences to complete that puzzle

and

we are each also our own puzzle

our job is to collect pieces of our own puzzle

to become whole, complete

and we use or avail ourselves of others to do this

there is no hierarchy

no-one more evolved than another

each are simply puzzle pieces for each other

as I was falling off to sleep I was remembering some scene from my son’s childhood where he was very hurt & angry. and I as his mom was feeling guilt or remorse about either causing his pain or not being able to prevent it. feeling a failure as a mother.

then into my awareness drifted that spiritual teaching about how someone had to go to the bottom, experience the low of the low on behalf of all that is. so that source would know what the experience feels like.

I then felt this warm loving energy. at first coming from outside of me onto my human self.

then the energy changed and it was coming from my left side (what I call my feminine divine side) inside my body and flowing to my right masculine human side.

and I felt such honor and thanks from left- feminine- divine to right- masculine- human.

and then !

I felt my right- masculine- human start thanking my left- feminine- divine for the times she had taken care of us, made sure we the human were ok, had acted as our guardian angel. i got the feeling I had a glimpse of sacred marriage or divine human or something.

and interesting when I woke it was just a dim memory. faint. not like other spiritual experiences that have involved talking to spooks or whatever.

perhaps when it’s just me & me it feels more subdued or something

i just realised something ..

i have spent a lot of my life being angry

sometimes without even realising how angry i was.

and i always found someone to blame for making me feel angry 🙂

just now i realised that i can now feel angry

actually have felt a lot of anger leaving my body/system

but i no longer assign blame for my anger.

don’t even blame mass consciousness or the collective.

i figure it’s old anger that has been stored in my cells or dna and now it’s leaving.

yah !!!

mid-morning i’m sitting here thinking gee there’s nothing i have to do today.

and i hear. let’s go shopping.

and i say shopping? you know i don’t go shopping on fridays cos the stores tend to be crowded. i prefer to shop on other days. besides there’s nothing that we need.

let’s go shopping, let’s go shopping.

oh fer f’ks sake. tho i start putting on my outdoor shoes to walk to my car.

as i’m driving to the shopping center i think well i’ve been intending to order “memoirs of a master”. i could stop at the bookstore and do that.

as the cashier was typing in my order she said “good choice to come in today cos we are offering 20% off book purchases.

hahaha 🙂

i read an article about how the “dark team” performed magick during earthquakes

then i read about many feeling fatigued and/or emotional during earthquakes

and i wonder is there a connection

are we drained & emotional as a result of black magick during earthquake

and have we bought into a “spiritual matrix” of some kind

that keeps us in a loop of fatigue & emotionality

because we feel it’s spiritual to “feel gaia’s pain” or to “serve humanity”

yesterday i made a connection of 11-11 to remembrance day.
maybe we’re finally getting back to that post-ww2 feeling
of celebration of the war to end all wars
and peace & prosperity ahead

that post-ww2 feeling is the energy
that baby boomers who later became hippies were born into.
i’m sure there’s a connection there somewhere 😉

and a connection as well to being veterans
some of us are veterans of abuses and/or gruelling spiritual paths
some say even of galactic wars

Morning little one. How are you
i’m ok
and I’m intrigued that you are addressing me as little one
if I am indeed supposed to be the leader
well because even leaders sometimes need love, support and reassurance
they too have a part of themselves that feels like a little one
sometimes you are in the mood / energy to lead & be decisive
other times you are in need of comfort & support.
how are things going for you
well I sense that I am accessing some long buried emotions
including a lot of pain, hurt and anger
yes usually those go together
I just had a thought that when you are with me you might feel whatever I’m feeling
though I suppose that isn’t necessarily true.
No it isn’t necessarily true. Like right now you are allowing some sadness.
This does not make us sad. it makes us joyful that you are allowing the release
we are so happy for you and for all of us.
and we are so very very proud.

good morning team
good morning commander
where did commander come from
well that is what you are. you are the leader. we follow you
well now that’s a rather scary thought isn’t it
it is not really such a scary thought
as now that you have agreed to become real we can all get on about our business
you mean I have been holding everyone up
everyone in our camp a bit yes
oh dear
you did the best you could .. or felt that you could.
we could not ask for more.
one’s best at the time is one’s best at the time
and now that we are working together we can go on from here.
You will be the commander and we your angelic team will serve you
serve me ?
serve as in assist. to be of service. it is not a derogatory term
kinda like a younger sibling
No. mostly it’s like the way in which we can best be of help.
like we all have our areas of expertise
and you have agreed to be the leader/coordinator

What is it that you want?
I want all of my comfort needs taken care of
I want to be free to follow my nudges and my desires.
And after that?
I want to enjoy the beauty of nature
To enjoy harmonious relationships & good health
I want to laugh.
Then immerse yourself
what’s that about
immerse yourself in life
in all of its joys & sorrows
all of its experiences
you are here to feel and to experience
to laugh & play and to sing & dance
and you’re allowed a little foot stomping along the way.