I was to write a Licensing exam, required to allow me to continue with my current career, should I choose.
The “problem” was that I just did not feel like studying.
I wondered if I was maybe removing a safety net – that if I failed the exam, I would not be able to return to my current career.
My heart reminded me that I did not want to continue with that line of work anyway.
My mind said that it would be a good idea to get licensed “just in case”.
The day before the exam, I opened the study text, and it was like my vision went right through the print, the words didn’t even register.
And the feeling of “Not Wanting To” came over me really strongly and it was like I remembered so many times, that I had made myself do something that I didn’t want to do.
And I put the study text away.
After that, I felt calm – like something had been decided and everything would be OK – either I would pass the exam or it wouldn’t matter.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to having a few anxious moments before I went to sleep that night.
The idea that I might wake in terror in the wee hours and do some frantic last minute “cramming” felt like a possibility.