contemplating yet another move,

i got a message to “stay put”.

which i ignored cos it didn’t suit my mind’s plans.

but stay put i did. cos none of my attempts to move worked out.

now several months later

i realise the “stay put” message was about more than my geographical location.

it was also about how i had spent my life chasing.

chasing the next job, the next house, the next relationship.

and i also realised that i had chased and never “stayed put”

because i had never committed to “being here”.

hell there were even times when i resented being here.

and i seemed to have a memory that this was not to be a permanent thing.

that it was a mission of sorts.

and when it was over i would be going home.

so many cellular memories came bubbling to the surface.

even of times when everything in my life had been going well.

and it was like there had been a little voice in my head that said.

don’t get too comfortable, remember we’re not staying.