A new member joined a Discussion Group that I attend. As this new member shared some of her life experiences to date, I was thinking how she seemed intelligent, optimistic, had led a most interesting life, and had had some amazing insights. As I was walking home, I asked why my mind was “abuzz”. The answer I got was “from listening to all of that woman’s ‘facts’.” Hmmm. I noticed that my chest was tight, which for me, usually indicates the presence of “anger energy”. So, I walked and I Breathed, and yet I couldn’t connect with anything that I was angry about. Then one comment of the woman’s “sharing” came to my mind, and I thought, she’s the one who is angry, and I have picked up this “angry energy” from her.
I walked down to the beach for the Fireworks, found a tree facing the barge, and sat down to enjoy my hotdog. I finished the hotdog just as the fireworks began, so I stood up to lean my back against the tree. As I was tossing my napkin into the garbage bin, I noticed a man leaning against the side of “my” tree. Thinking that I recognized him, I turned in the twilight for a closer look. Nope, not the guy I thought. But my mind registered that he was a handsome hunk of a male. As the fireworks progressed, I became very aware of the energy of this hunk beside me (well on the side of my tree). As I continued to watch the fireworks, I could feel the hunk’s energy and mine meet and blend in a very balancing way. At one point, it felt like the most natural thing to do, would be to reach out for his hand. Amazing! I considered that when the fireworks were over, I might tell him how much I had enjoyed his energy, that he had lovely energy – whatever. Then I decided, No, if I freak him out, I will spoil this wonderful sensation that I am having and which I am going to take home with me. So that’s what I did.
Another warm summer day I wandered out, picked up a falafel wrap and headed to the beach where I sat on a bench. As I began opening my falafel, I noticed that a man seated nearby had turned to stare at me. I could “feel” that he wanted my food. I found myself resenting that he was interfering with my enjoyment. Then my old tapes started playing: “maybe I’ll eat half and then give him the rest, maybe I’ll give him $5 so he can buy something for himself”. Then I thought, but this feeling isn’t coming from my core, I feel that I’m reacting to energy that he’s putting out. As I had this realization, I could feel my energy somewhat congealing into a ball and forming a bit of a shield between the man and me. My energy seemed to do this on its own. I had the thought that my energy was choosing to keep itself “intact”. At this point the man got restless, stood up, stretched, walked about and then laid on the grass directly in front of me – and now closer to me than he had been when sitting on the bench. Even though he was lying on his back and facing away from me, I was very aware of his energy – and it was on my food. After lying on the ground for a few minutes, the man got up and came to sit behind me on the bench. I didn’t turn around to see how close he was, but my energy body must have thought he was really close, as I felt it develop a thicker wall between us. After a few more minutes, having eaten all of my Falafel, I decided to leave – without looking back. As I walked away my mind searched, asking “Have you no compassion, do you not think it would have been loving to share?” But another part of me said, this was about more than compassion or being loving. This was about learning to contain your energy and to choose with whom you are going to share it.