My Awakening (and my book) Continues #11

Learning that a beginning agent was the only one available to take on my most difficult account, I offered to stay at the job for another month until other arrangements could be made. Following this additional month, my company proposed that I stay on at a reduced workload.

What is the part of me that could get excited about staying longer at my job?

Ask that Part of Yourself.

Hello Part. What Part of me are you?

The part that has frequently left without a proper goodbye.

Is there something that you would like to say?

I would like to say that I am frightened.

What are you frightened of?

I am frightened that once again you may ask me to pretend that I am big and strong and that I do not need anybody. I do need somebody. I need somebody to be there for me, somebody to tell me that I am doing a good job and that my efforts are appreciated. Someone to tell me that I am going to be OK and that I have what it takes to make my way.

I decided to stay, and accept a reduced workload. Almost immediately after starting it, I began to experience discomfort about my situation. Was I OK with being seen as a person who was being given special consideration by getting to leave the office each day at 2 or 3 pm while my colleagues were there till 5 or 6 pm?  Was I OK with allowing my company to give me this special consideration because they thought I was physically weakened, when I knew that I had a choice?  It was true that the stress of a full workload contributed to my physical symptoms of bronchitis. But I knew that these symptoms were because a large chunk of my emotional clearing involved my heart region and my breathing. So if I chose to ease back on my emotional clearing, I would be less susceptible to the bronchitis. But I didn’t want to ease back on this emotional clearing.

Initially I thought that since my reduced workload required only 4-5 hours each day, why not go to the office first thing in the morning and get those hours out of the way? But what I found was that once I had done my 4-5 hours at the office, my energy had changed and it was extremely difficult if not impossible for me to get back into the energy I had been in before I went to the office. So I set up a schedule that on 3 of the 5 mornings, allowed me to sit with myself until 10 or 11 am before I pulled myself away to go to the office. There went an Old Belief that I needed to get my chores done before I could justify having time off.

I was sitting at home one morning thinking how I had a lot of work to do that day and that if I allowed myself to sit at home until 11 am then I should expect that things would be hectic when I went to work. I held a Belief that if I goof off, I should expect to pay for it later. I decided to consider a Belief that I could sit at home until 11 am and then go to the office and all would go smoothly and quickly. And it did. There went another Belief.

The magnificent logistics of my reduced workload (lots of monies in exchange for few hours of work) was wonderful – and it was to be temporary. I immediately began wondering how I could possibly continue to have such working conditions. I realized that I wasn’t certain that I could imagine creating the same again. Why was that? Even my rational mind said, why wouldn’t your thinking be, that having done something once, you now have the template, so it would be easier to do it a second time? Why would one success not give me confidence and lead me to believe that I could do it again? Do I believe there’s only so much “good fortune” to go around and that I have had my share?

About sharon-clark-rowlands

Sharon Clark Rowlands is the author of “Oh, We Should Have Told You” which is the outgrowth of a Journal kept during several years spent in the pursuit of personal growth and spirituality. The book contains both personal experiences and “messages from someone outside of myself” and will stimulate you to reflect upon and to gain insights into your own experiences and provide you with inspiration and comfort as you navigate your own Spiritual Journey. view Sharon's author page at and her facebook page for her book
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