i had an aha this morning. i have been sensing how closely related are the vibrations of fear & excitement. and this morning i realised that i have been afraid of my excitement. or of me getting excited about something. that goes back to 6 yr old self being afraid of what would happen to her & her family if she chose what she wanted over the good of the whole.
and i personally could have written #4 in this article ..
7 SIGNS YOUR HAVINGNESS LEVEL IS DANGEROUSLY LOW
4. You start projects but you somehow don’t finish them, or you finish them but you don’t take the time to celebrate and bask in your accomplishment before rushing ahead to the next task.
I published an amazing book on magic with a division of Random House and then, at a low point in my magical life, promptly failed to do anything to promote it. That was a big red flag that my havingness level was kinda low.
More explicitly: my havingness level was big enough to let the book get written and published in the first place, but it was not big enough at that time to endure the sensation of people actually valuing and reading and buying my work and sending me money for it.
Oh no no no no. That would be far far far too much.
So without knowing why, I couldn’t find the energy and motivation to do the work to promote my book, even though I know it’s an excellent work.
All of my energy and motivation was locked up in havingness-level fears about what would happen to me should I become actually well-known.